My hair was never meant to be straightened.
My kinks are my origin.
They curl, locking in my identity.
I wear this crown not to please you,
Definitely not to abide by your rules.
My hair is my blackness.
Unapologetic, unashamed and non of your business.
My hair is not an anomaly or a taboo.
Just because you don’t understand it,
Don’t mean I should change it for you.
Let me tell you what should change,
You misconstrued social construct.
That a black person must renounce themselves
To feed onto your ego.
The fake pedestal you build
That blackness is something needing change.
That we identify as human when we
Have adopted your ways.
This crown, I will wear it.
Free, untied not hidden.
In your face!
So that you can trace my roots.
In each strand.
I am of plenty and of black.
I do not lack anything.
Leave my crown alone!!!
Till the pen dries, paper finishes and my arm hurts. I will write about you.
And the words would breathe life into you. So that I wouldn’t be thinking of phrases for eulogies. For this pain can’t be shared…
I bury my friend. But never the memories in the moments that bound us. Never. I hold on. To your smile in each wink.
I think I am stronger now. I realize how you’ve never needed me as much as I did you. Your comfort. I miss. Your laughter. I miss. You.
Time cannot heal or enable me to deal with goodbyes. Because the ways you stole my soul at hello, were more than once.
So Return If Possible. Give me back the air which was you. Give me the strength you fought for life but couldn’t no more. Give me you.
Be careful what you wish for
You might end up tied in dreams of what seems to be real.
Might find your mind filled with thoughts of nights…
Of fights within, fights you never win…
I tried to erase your smile while I day dreamed of you.
And in moments where I found my eyes searching for yours
You are not here. I can hear the silent screams gnawing
Inside the depths of my heart, I imagine you.
Sometimes I wonder if you realize the strength with which
You pull my heart strings, slowly untie the ribbons
I’ve hidden from you
All because I wished for a moment to talk to you.
I was never careful but always wishing..
Fire flickers flames softly burn up the silence. I could hear your heartbeat. Slow. Did you forget i fought your demons late night. At times you promised to capture mine too but you got busy trying to mute the silent screams that engulfed you. You lost us. I was busy saving you. Then the rope I held on untied and took me out.
You were my air. I took in all of you. Unfiltered. I thought you’d save the pieces of the memories we built. Unknowingly. We put together a collage of broken frames. Of moments we made without course. Yet you took all of me. Laid bare.
I look at you and I wish you’d remember the depth with which I kept you. The strength with which I held on. Onto you. But you were already gone.
This is the story of the main protagonist whom you met last year. This time she tells you about the events that lead to that fateful night.
“I closed one eye whilst my finger was above the right click of the mouse, accepting a stranger. But you were never a stranger. I however knew you before all this, before choices were made and distance of you from me, like a breath being needed to be felt, a heart beat needing to be heard was so close. As if then, the click will bring you to me. We had been living separately, in different places, different states of minds. And that time years ago when we loved each other, we were not hiding behind fake names and photos and lives. I hope it is not too late, that we still have a chance.
It took me years to find you. I had spent years trying to reconnect but the bitterness and the disapproval of our love drove me into an accident that laid me in a coma. I am not blaming you, do not get me wrong. In that time I became a woman, but my feelings stayed true, true to finding my true love. But love is not easy to find. So I hope you don’t mind me saying all this, I really hope you get to understand why I had been gone so long, and why I am here now.
I had not planned on a fake account but what could I have done with the internet swamped with people who wanted to take advantage? I just wanted to stalk you from afar, give occasional likes and share your statuses, your photos, like a hopeless groupie from afar. I knew you could not know who I was. A lot had changed. I had changed.”
After typing all that, her fingers swollen and hurting and almost bleeding, she read the inbox out loud, After all the energy and her ideas , she erased all of those words you just read. She closed her eyes and clicked on the unfriend button of his account but the internet stayed buffering on and the universe never allowed her to act on that. She retrieved this conversation from the last log in, where the laptop saved her thoughts without permission and laid bare her emotions….