Night came in faster that day. She had made up her mind. She had finally found the words to say and the place to say it at. She wiped the make up from her face, took off the lashes, took of her weave, it was as if a heavy load had been lifted. The mirror reflected her anxiety and her fear. She tried deflecting the image by faking a smile. But it was time for honesty, to break down the walls and tell the truth. She had to because he was the one. He is the one. She had thought about it, about how perfect it was going to go. Until tonight.
There was a knock at the door. They started to turn into angry knocks, into violent knocks. She stayed staring at the door, wondering who it could be because she was sure it was not him. He was gentle. And he would have called first and he would not hit the door that fast, that loud. She thought to herself.
“When were you going to tell me?”, he barged in. His face was full of anger and it scared her. She had not seen that face before. Not in any photo she spent nights stalking and keeping. “You lied to me!”
Puzzled, she could not fathom how he got to the truth without hearing it from her. She was lost for words.
“Tell me why? Why did you do all this?”
“I wanted to tell you the truth the moment I saw your face. I realized you knew me, you knew us. Long ago we used to trust each other. Even though we were wrapped in lust we could not last. So before you say anything, please listen”, she let out the words as fast as she could, hoping for a reasonable understanding.
“What is it that you will say to make me understand why you would go around posing to be someone you are not?”, his hands over his head, failing to grasp what had happened.
“Because I was afraid you would not love my truth, that even though I was honest you will not let go of the past.”
“So lying helps?”, he shouted.
“NO, yes, maybe. Did it?”, she came closer and closer to him, whispering, trying to calm him down.
Silence befell them, their eyes met and tears ran through her cheeks, his hurt was so visible.
“I fell for you. I thought you and I could be more, then you go on and do something like this”, he put his hands over his eyes, stopping tears from coming out.
“I know, I am sorry:, she said through crying sniffs.
“Its too late for that”, he shut the door harder and it hurt. It hurt her.
She looked around the room, the flowers were already drying off, losing their color, the candles had lost their scent and their flame was ironically dying off. She glanced at the piles of letters she failed to send him all these years.
She dragged her chair and switched on her computer, she logged onto the site where she created a world she so loved, one which she thought would become a reality. She went through the messages, from the first time they spoke, to the first spark and the first dates. She thought of the ways she could have come clean but that world trapped her in so much she could not really break it and instead is broke her. She then realized, that this is how it all started…..