We use the terms casually now, ‘friend zone, ‘family zone’, school zone’, as if we refer to objects with no emotions. We laugh behind people who lay their hearts bare for us to see the openness in their ‘falling for you’. Because it is impossible to love a guy you have known for so long. But we are so busy loving people we have never met. We stay up late drafting letters without addresses just so the paper could catch our fear and keep it.
‘They are all the same’, we say, when our broken hearts beat helplessly on the ground on which we praised people we honored like royalty when we were nothing to them. We drain our bodies of tears as if we will be whole again. Even after such dreadful experiences, we think we know we will always live another day. In some way, we fake our happiness in waiting for love. Waiting for someone we have weaved tirelessly in our heads and continuously to make them come alive. And they never.
And yet we are choosy. When a genuine guy narrates the fateful tale of falling and the longing to taste our lips, we deny them even of a touch. Because we are so in love with someone we have never met, someone else. So lost in the maze of finding true love. We are lost because we try to find that which needs to find us. We are lost because those we have imprisoned in ‘zones’ are the very ones we could be loving this moment.
Time is never certain and we hold no power. We don’t have the strength to become lovers not when we are swayed easily by clothes, cars, cash we sometimes sweat for at night. Writing stories to be hidden but stay as proof on bodies as fingerprints and fading cologne and cigarette smokes and this and that. We search for love in bad boys leaving brothers whom we grew up with. Brothers we have learnt to trust while young minds were soft and never kept bad memories. Brothers who saw us naked many times and all they saw was beauty. Instead we love those women’ sons who know not the struggle. Who subconsciously pressure us to become women before we are girls. To become mothers before we are wives. To become theirs before ourselves.
Those who let you in and have been there, are those who have loved you even before you started on a journey to find love. Love was always there. Love is here. And time? Keeps on going.