Amy met Paul the same day, he proposed to his fiance. She waited at their table. She was the one who gave them the menu, written and off cause form then on, she gave herself to him. She was the one who gave him the bill as well as other payments he said he would take care off for her. Foolishly she thought she met Mr Right, yet he belonged to someone else, he was Mr Right now. And it did not matter much, not when it came to matters of the heart. Because he gave he many tips that made up for all she ever made in a day. She had heard about her position from many other woman. But she protested she was not selling her body him. Yet each time, their meeting would result in transactions. And though she knew he did not care much, she still gave her a full time position in her life. Amy thought she was in love with a man who was getting married to some other girl. She fell in love and swore he caught her. For he never refused being loved by her, everyday, each day, every time. She knew that her heart bled for him. She felt like herself when they were together, no matter how brief their meeting was. Until Beth told her to back off from their lives. She called her names she only heard and seen on tv. Of characters she never really liked, the kind she shunned and talk dirty about. And there she was, fully aware of her position in Paul’s life, that she was the other woman….
The moon did not come up that tonight. Amy looked up for their constellation and found none. The air carried his scents to her as she stood by the window where once their lips conversed. She had been waking up from dreams of him dreams of them. She had been wishing upon prayers that really did not have an end. Instead they were weaved in and worn on the wrist of the hand that had his promise. Each time she took a view of it, he became real in her thoughts. As the wind blew through her hair, it was like his fingers running through her hair. And in that moment, she missed how powerful his absence could be. She then went and sat on the bed, held the shirt he wore before he left. It still lingered with his cologne. As she took in scents of him, she could not help it but cry. Never did she ever ask why he had to go. She had trust that he will come back. She knew that what they had was just a lust. And she knew it cause it rusted the heart that kept him. She knew he did not belong to her. Not when her woman’s lips colored his colors each time he came. It was as if Beth, his wife knew of her existence and how she reminded Amy through her lipstick that she knew her. But she still loved him….
Words this time, are not enough
not for explaining the pain I feel or the emotions that twirl in my mind
I have been contemplating to find
how my mind kept weaving thoughts of you in me
how the formed blankets, that have covered me inside places
I have never been, only with you.
Are the ones that tore and leave me to the cold.
Only you are the one who broke the promises you made.
And words like ‘sorry’ do not seem to reach me no more.
Not when the pain has been concetrated to the innner core of me.
How did you find that place I secretly hidden?
I have locked it and thrown the key somewhere
in between thoughts of a poem and a song
I wrote both to you.
Now, the feelings that made the words leave my mouth
are the ones that seal it
now that you have left a mark so painful it became a scar.