don’t judge me yet

I need to speak with you
I did not choose this
Nor did I agree to being here
Where your eyes look at me with pure disapproval to shame me
Name me, now no one can tame me because of the half truths you have created to mame me!
I lacked knowledge of entwining bodies.
My trust was rusted by lust.
I need to talk to you so you knew, I was raped and I ended up here.

I need to talk to you
I was faithful and respectful and loving.
When I found the love of my life
He promised to love and hold me. To be faithful.
And so love sprung, I gave him the bigger part of my heart.
I did not know I was enough
Till I found myself here.
I need to talk to you so you knew
That years of saving myself for the one did not pay off
I still got here.

I need to talk to you
About how my life has never been like the other children
How when each day I had to drink pills I never knew their ills to
Because I was told about some TB and asthma never the truth
That now at 16 I know how I got here
Where my family was ‘protecting’ me from the truth
Yet I lived in a world where they knew my secret.
A secret I did not know I had
Because we, of the silent tribe
Don’t talk about the reality of this disease.
And that being born with it, you can’t fix it.
Pre-marital sex is not the only cause, that extra marital activities fuel the spread
That rape is a gateway as well
And some are born with it!

This is not the story you want to hear is it?
Instead you still segregate some of us because of our status.
Before you do all that.
You need to hear our story
Of how we got here
To hear it was never our choice.
Never our voice that spoke
Nor yours that did
Instead you hid
The truth, say you are tired
Of talking about HIV
You have to
Talk about all kinds of ways to be infected
All kinds of ways we are affected.

I need to talk to you
To talk about our stories
Remove the stigma from your mouths and say it
Evidently we all need to hear it
Let’s not dwell on the negative
Side of this, it worsens the situation
And as a nation
Be HIV positive
of a cure…

Posted by P.A.W. from WordPress for BlackBerry.

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dear beloved

If ever you wanted to be on stage.
Become people you dreamed to be.
Beyond normal and expected.
You should be partaking in Dear Beloved.
A short film you have to be in.
Come! The stage is calling!

Posted by P.A.W. from WordPress for BlackBerry.

reality check

Dear diary

Love stops. Somewhere, somehow it ends. When you reach a point where abusive words and creepy behavior can no longer be tolerated. You get fed up to the brim and even if you seem ok to others, you are not. Till someone worthy changes that.

How much we trusted people to love us beyond our insecurities, changes. We finally give the keys with the right key holders to the right person to unlock ourselves and find a place in our hearts.

And yes! The feeling of letting go of the one you have left a long time ago, liberates you. And when that someone thinks its impossible for you to never feel the same about them and they self justify with fake promises and blackmails. Having a child is not a binder, live goes on and you find that person who has had that missing part of the puzzle to complete it all.

I am glad, I found him and he is a better father than the one who unfortunately is suppose to be. And he never asked for me without my son, but all of us three. Thank God for my Dawn.

Posted by P.A.W. from WordPress for BlackBerry.

Try again

Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone’s bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn’t mean you’re gonna die
You’ve gotta get up and try, try, try

Posted by P.A.W. from WordPress for BlackBerry.

being a man

I’m supposed to be the strong one
Even when I feel the wrong done
It was to be me not her
No matter the pain felt
I have to be able to say I dealt
With it, as much as it drains me
Just because I do not cry
It doesn’t mean that this loss doesn’t hurt me.

Tears dwell at the corner of my eyes
Which have seen so much
Of coping with missing the touch
So as you would have it
It will be different
Because this instant, I feel the distant and forgotten emotions
Soon to be buried with my loved one

Yet still, I’m supposed to be the strong one
Even when I feel the wrong done
The void feeling of losing a soul mate
All because I wasn’t man enough to protect her

Posted by P.A.W. from WordPress for BlackBerry.